Well, I thought maybe it was time to come here again, it’s a bit of a graveyard. My life has changed so much in the last two years. Unfortunately my writing hasn’t changed enough, so prepare for a deluge of emotional poems folks.
Say you need a break
Time away from me
A chance to focus on yourself
Let your mind be free
Everyday I understand
That I am hard to bear
Stuck in my pyjamas
Or in the bed upstairs
I try to be more fun
Scrape it from my bones
Play the girlfriend puppet
Made of sticks and stones
She cannot last for long
She always falls apart
Running through your fingers
You see she has no heart
The real me reaches out
But it’s like she has no hands
Nothing to grab hold of you
To help you understand
Because you are not in my head
You cannot hear the voices
Every day’s a battleground
I make a thousand choices
All of them are made for us
I choose to stay and fight
And though I lay down all the while
I use up all my might
I know I am a drain
So wrapped up in myself
Selfish and unable
To focus on your health
I’m not the me I thought I was
I wanted to be giving
Now I understand I’m not
All I am- is living
I wish I was like you
Could take a break from me
But I am stuck inside myself
Desperate to be free
You cannot help me
Nobody can
Holding me up
Will not make me stand
Inflating my lungs
Does not mean I’m breathing
Covering my wounds
Does not stop them bleeding
I tell such lies
Say I am bending
I snapped long ago
But say I am mending
The urge to please
Is one of my curses
Playing the part
To doctors and nurses
Making them feel
That I’m their success
When truly inside
I am a mess
I know my Illness
Know what they’ll say
I understand
What made me this way
But no matter my mind
I can’t change my feelings
The gatekeepers guarding
My chance at healing
I cannot reason
Not with the voice
She is emotion
She isn’t a choice
She isn’t objective
Nor can she listen
She isn’t whole
There are parts of her missing
"Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance."
-Carl Sandburg