I don’t, I can’t, I won’t

I don’t have the guts you do

I’ve turned into a coward

laying still and playing dead

so I am not devoured

I can’t work the way you do

Something snapped inside

I ask them to repair me

But they push me to the side

I won’t eat the way you do

Each mouthful feels like sin

The goal is to take up less space

It isn’t to be thin

I don’t crave the sun like you

I close all my blinds

Terrified to look outside

incase fate sends me signs

I can’t think the way you do

My mind is full of chatter

voices counter every thought

and tell me I don’t matter

I won’t live the way you do

slowly grasping goals

they send me my certificates

but none of them unfold

I do take all the pills they give

engage in therapy

but they move on, or fall ill too

and sometimes they just leave

I can put my pain in words

Which helps me to get by

They say that means I’ll heal myself

But never tell me why

I will keep on trying though

kicking under water

Just to keep my lips above

To breathe like all the others


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