Wherever I Go

Wherever I go
I go alone
Even the brittle crack of my heartbeat
Belongs to a girl I left behind
The feet that I go on
Leave footprints to the past
And the road stretches empty ahead
Wherever I go
I bring the blade of a thin smile
That severs all connections
The downward glance of eyelid- curtains say the scene is done
There’s nothing but an empty stage behind this front
Wherever I go

The Dictatorship

I had forgotten what it felt like

to be accused of causing someone

to attempt suicide

Now memories come back

full force and I’m a child again

Only a burden

I am not myself alone

I am part of a collection

One they call the girls

I can be punished for words

That don’t come from

My own lips

She can be silenced

For bearing an opinion

From her fingertips

An irony of sorts

Attacked  for criticising someone

because they cant take criticism

Proven right and

Vulnerable as the next

But not worthy of a voice

She doesn’t know them

As i do, the way they ask for honesty

But respond to it viciously

They aren’t aware (or do not care) that you

Have been reading the poems

And stories eagerly

That you Followed the links

And gave your support

Only to feel the fallout

And the all consuming rage

That we girls know too well

Falling on our knees

Lapping from the river

Of emotional abuse

The way he used to

show up at the door

and stamp and scream and curse

Now Thirsty beyond belief

Forced to drink down poison

And smile with all your teeth

Deleted as you thought you would be

screen caps were right

Where Criticism is ‘harassment’

Hail the dictatorship

It isn’t hard to understand

That the vulnerable are not here

To be put upon a stage

Are more than a hashtag

Eagerly hijacked for cheap

Less than 8000 pounds

Fake it til you make it

Emotional and financial

Vampirism  

feed and feed and feed

And find an echo chamber

to live inside

I don’t, I can’t, I won’t

I don’t have the guts you do

I’ve turned into a coward

laying still and playing dead

so I am not devoured

I can’t work the way you do

Something snapped inside

I ask them to repair me

But they push me to the side

I won’t eat the way you do

Each mouthful feels like sin

The goal is to take up less space

It isn’t to be thin

I don’t crave the sun like you

I close all my blinds

Terrified to look outside

incase fate sends me signs

I can’t think the way you do

My mind is full of chatter

voices counter every thought

and tell me I don’t matter

I won’t live the way you do

slowly grasping goals

they send me my certificates

but none of them unfold

I do take all the pills they give

engage in therapy

but they move on, or fall ill too

and sometimes they just leave

I can put my pain in words

Which helps me to get by

They say that means I’ll heal myself

But never tell me why

I will keep on trying though

kicking under water

Just to keep my lips above

To breathe like all the others