Reason with Madness

You cannot help me

Nobody can

Holding me up

Will not make me stand

Inflating my lungs

Does not mean I’m breathing 

Covering my wounds

Does not stop them bleeding

I tell such lies

Say I am bending 

I snapped long ago

But say I am mending

The urge to please

Is one of my curses

Playing the part

To doctors and nurses

Making them feel

That I’m their success

When truly inside

I am a mess

I know my Illness

Know what they’ll say

I understand

What made me this way

But no matter my mind

I can’t change my feelings

The gatekeepers guarding

My chance at healing

I cannot reason

Not with the voice

She is emotion 

She isn’t a choice 

She isn’t objective

Nor can she listen

She isn’t whole

There are parts of her missing


Introducing Bad Apple Zine Issue One


So, around two years ago I had an idea of starting up my own online magazine to specialize in dark speculative fiction for the upper end of Young Adult readers.  I wanted to publish stories that are raw and dark and that give voice to those that are often silenced or to issues that are thought taboo by society, particularly when these issues play a part in the lives of so many young adults world wide.  It’s frightening when you are not accepted as who you are and worse when you are actively hated for it.

I wanted to have minority writers and characters, I wanted to embrace dark topics and dark feelings, mental health issues, feminism, gender and sexuality. Now I can finally offer up the first issue of this zine which was made possible by the web-tech and creative know how of Matt Sloan and Sami Clara.  Early into the opening for submissions I brought fellow editor Greg Conway on board and we dived into the process of reading through the many many stories that came in week on week.  I have created all the drawings you see in this issue myself, and I am no great artist so apologies for that!  I hope to bring on board the talents of Hannah McMurray, my younger sister who is an excellent artist and is studying Art at University.

So… without further ado, I link you to Bad Apple Zine Summer 2016.  Please like, comment and share on social media to get this party started.



The Life Fragile


In a cocoon the young girl lies dreaming
Deep in her mind Arachne is weaving
Pale silver threads that might become wings
So long as the girl keeps a hold on her dreams

Some girls sleep easy and safe in their mind
They conjure up laughter, gentle and kind
Knowing that soon they will wake and emerge
As beautiful butterflies, queens of the world

This girl she struggles to keep her eyes closed
Knowing she’s fragile, and hanging exposed
Out on a branch, rattled by storms
Flooded with fear that she will not transform

In its cocoon a youngling must dream
When you first learn this, how moving it seems
If she stops dreaming she loses her breath
Her wings do not grow, she gives way to death

But this girl has nightscapes riding the mare
But dark dreams still count, so do not despair
Arachne keeps working, her thread starts to tangle
The wings become twisted, all sharp ends and angles

The queens come on time, emerging with flare
Wings swift and stunning, they take to the air
Long after they’re gone, the darkling starts fighting
To cut through the pupa state turning and writhing

She finally escapes but her wings wont unfold
The wind whispers urgently, go forth, be bold
She unfurls like a night-flower, bathed by the moon
But wishes to curl in a second cocoon

Fragile and terrified, struggling to cope
She flies in mad chaos, a riot of hope
Wings red as blood, dark old and bright new
She settles on roses and drinks up their dew