I don’t, I can’t, I won’t

I don’t have the guts you do

I’ve turned into a coward

laying still and playing dead

so I am not devoured

I can’t work the way you do

Something snapped inside

I ask them to repair me

But they push me to the side

I won’t eat the way you do

Each mouthful feels like sin

The goal is to take up less space

It isn’t to be thin

I don’t crave the sun like you

I close all my blinds

Terrified to look outside

incase fate sends me signs

I can’t think the way you do

My mind is full of chatter

voices counter every thought

and tell me I don’t matter

I won’t live the way you do

slowly grasping goals

they send me my certificates

but none of them unfold

I do take all the pills they give

engage in therapy

but they move on, or fall ill too

and sometimes they just leave

I can put my pain in words

Which helps me to get by

They say that means I’ll heal myself

But never tell me why

I will keep on trying though

kicking under water

Just to keep my lips above

To breathe like all the others

The Life Fragile

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In a cocoon the young girl lies dreaming
Deep in her mind Arachne is weaving
Pale silver threads that might become wings
So long as the girl keeps a hold on her dreams

Some girls sleep easy and safe in their mind
They conjure up laughter, gentle and kind
Knowing that soon they will wake and emerge
As beautiful butterflies, queens of the world

This girl she struggles to keep her eyes closed
Knowing she’s fragile, and hanging exposed
Out on a branch, rattled by storms
Flooded with fear that she will not transform

In its cocoon a youngling must dream
When you first learn this, how moving it seems
If she stops dreaming she loses her breath
Her wings do not grow, she gives way to death

But this girl has nightscapes riding the mare
But dark dreams still count, so do not despair
Arachne keeps working, her thread starts to tangle
The wings become twisted, all sharp ends and angles

The queens come on time, emerging with flare
Wings swift and stunning, they take to the air
Long after they’re gone, the darkling starts fighting
To cut through the pupa state turning and writhing

She finally escapes but her wings wont unfold
The wind whispers urgently, go forth, be bold
She unfurls like a night-flower, bathed by the moon
But wishes to curl in a second cocoon

Fragile and terrified, struggling to cope
She flies in mad chaos, a riot of hope
Wings red as blood, dark old and bright new
She settles on roses and drinks up their dew

Dark Places

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I have hid in dark places
thrown myself into the night sky
hung still as the moon pretending
I did not see his arrows whistling by

I have slept in high towers
turned and tossed in sweaty sheets
knowing I was trapped for good
and dreaming evil all the while

I have danced in the deep woods
spun myself a hood of web and blood
Lay pale in a glass coffin, half dead
As a wolf tore bites from my body

I have ran the gravel road
fallen bloody kneed and skin torn
heard him coming, pounding after
dragged myself to my feet again