Reason with Madness

You cannot help me

Nobody can

Holding me up

Will not make me stand

Inflating my lungs

Does not mean I’m breathing 

Covering my wounds

Does not stop them bleeding

I tell such lies

Say I am bending 

I snapped long ago

But say I am mending

The urge to please

Is one of my curses

Playing the part

To doctors and nurses

Making them feel

That I’m their success

When truly inside

I am a mess

I know my Illness

Know what they’ll say

I understand

What made me this way

But no matter my mind

I can’t change my feelings

The gatekeepers guarding

My chance at healing

I cannot reason

Not with the voice

She is emotion 

She isn’t a choice 

She isn’t objective

Nor can she listen

She isn’t whole

There are parts of her missing

Psych Ward

Three months on the sofa

Spent falling down

Then three weeks a dead tree

Stuck in the ground

Unable to fool them

Unable to eat

Unable to wash

Or get to my feet

I can’t bear to stay

But can’t even leave

Ground down to nothing

A body that breathes

And now I am stuck here

Wondering how long

It will take to recover

To heal and be strong

You battle a dragon

But you cannot win

Your body gets weary

And overly thin

The dragon breaks you

You no longer fight

He prowls round the hospital

Growling all night

He waits while they shield you

And play with your meds

Help you to stand again

Make sure you’re fed

And when you’re released

And you walk outside

The dragon is there

His grin sharp and wide

How long will you last

The battle begins

How long will you live

Because you cannot win

I don’t, I can’t, I won’t

I don’t have the guts you do

I’ve turned into a coward

laying still and playing dead

so I am not devoured

I can’t work the way you do

Something snapped inside

I ask them to repair me

But they push me to the side

I won’t eat the way you do

Each mouthful feels like sin

The goal is to take up less space

It isn’t to be thin

I don’t crave the sun like you

I close all my blinds

Terrified to look outside

incase fate sends me signs

I can’t think the way you do

My mind is full of chatter

voices counter every thought

and tell me I don’t matter

I won’t live the way you do

slowly grasping goals

they send me my certificates

but none of them unfold

I do take all the pills they give

engage in therapy

but they move on, or fall ill too

and sometimes they just leave

I can put my pain in words

Which helps me to get by

They say that means I’ll heal myself

But never tell me why

I will keep on trying though

kicking under water

Just to keep my lips above

To breathe like all the others